Sunday, November 4, 2007

This Happened to ME!

I hope you are sitting down, because this is a terrible tale of SACRILEGE!! Let me start at the beginning. It is late Sunday AM, and I decide to go out for a nice double decaf skim mocha pumpkin latte. Normally I go to Coffee Tree Roasters on Murray in Squirrel Hill, which, as everyone knows was the favorite hangout of our late great democratic Mayor, Bob O'Conner. That Coffee Tree is just around the corner from my house. But, I decided to walk down to the Walnut Street Coffee Tree in Shadyside. It's a bit further, but along the way, I decided to count how many Luke campaign signs I would see versus how many ReSantis signs. In Squirrel Hill, I am happy to say there were more Luke signs! Of course, I was thinking it would be safe to go to Coffee Tree on Walnut because I figured it would be friendly to Bob O'Connor and democrats just like their Squirrel Hill location. Well, as I got closer to Walnut Street I saw more and more DeSantis signs, so I began to get worried. Then when I got to Walnut Street, there were all sorts of people wearing "Mark DeSantis for Mayor" t-shirts underneath their black suit jackets! And handing out ReSantis propaganda! There were also lots of young men in dark suits and cheap ties who looked like G-men or Mafiosos. They had hands full of ReSantis for Mayor propaganda!!! I almost turned around, but after a hard night of partying, I really needed that latte. Plus, I figured it would be safe to go into Coffee Tree since it was practically like Bob O's favorite place.

SO, I walk into Coffee Tree, and what do I see? More ReSantis minions. AND, believe it or not, there was Mark ReSantis himself!!! standing there near the cash register!!

This is the sacrilege part! I could not imagine how he had the nerve to set foot on what was practically Bob O'Connor's sacred democratic turf. Does the man have no respect for Bob's memory? I almost gagged as badly as I do when I read the Post Gagette newspaper!

Anyway, I steeled myself to stand in line and get my latte and vanilla biscotti. It suddenly dawned on me. This was the chance I was waiting for. I could ask ReSantis myself how he possibly thought, that, as a Republican, he should be mayor of Pittsburgh.

As I stood in line with the Shadyside yuppies, ReSantis was mere inches from me. I kept waiting for ReSantis to try to campaign to me, like he was doing to the other yuppies. He ignored me. I tried to get his attention, but everytime I looked at him, he looked away. Then he left the shop with his drones.

Well, I decided to walk up and down Walnut street, which ReSantis was also doing. I passed him THREE more times on the sidewalk, and each time he completely ignored me! The final time, I approached him in front of Cappy's, made eye contact, and he immediately ducked into Cappy's to avoid me.

I am so outraged (again!). How can he expect to get my vote if he is going to ignore me like that? I think it is his job to be nice and ask for my vote. Luke has never ignored me. I think ReSantis probably recognized my picture from all the times he has visited this Blog (statistics show it is true) and so he ignored me. Probably also because I am gay.

Anyway, here are more reasons to vote for Luke:

1. ReSantis ignores people (esp. gay men) in Coffee Shops and on the street.

2. I can now confidently tell you that ReSantis is uglier in person than he is in pictures and on TV. (unlike Luke, who I can tell you is handsomer in person).

3. ReSantis is also way older than Luke and looks even older in person. Because he is young, Luke stands less chance of dying while in office, and we do not need more dead mayors!

4. ReSantis was virtually dancing on the grave of our dear departed Mayor Bob O'Connor by campaigning in a Coffee Tree Roasters, which is sacred O'Connor turf, and we should not vote for republican people who have no respect for our dead democratic Mayors!

5. Even if Luke is a terrible Mayor (he is NOT, by the way!) the winner of this election will only be Mayor for two more years before we have another election. Nothing really bad can happen in two years, as long as we keep democrats in the Mayor's office. But there is no telling what might happen with a republican mayor because nobody can remember ever having one. After two years, we will be able to vote for a new Mayor (maybe even Luke again!), and we need to make sure we can keep a democrat in the Mayor's office to keep the tradition alive. But if we elect ReSantis, there is no telling what might happen and the long standing and rightful tradition of democrats will be broken. Even if Luke does not run again in two years, then we might be able to elect our first gay democratic mayor, unless he drops out of the race again.

6. ReSantis has no experience being Mayor or even in politics at all, but Luke has been Mayor for at least a year now. And even if he made a few mistake, I believe in getting experience on the job, so Luke will just keep getting to be a better democratic Mayor as long as we give him a chance and keep him in office. Being Mayor is not like running a business so ReSantis does not have any experience to be Mayor at all, even though he is a lot older (and looks it).

Well, I have written too much already so I will stop, even though I really have a LOT more to say. I just what you to remember what happened to me today when you go to the polls and no matter what else happens I hope you will vote for Luke to protect our important sacred traditions.


P.S. Prediction: Luke wins this election. Wins again in 2 more years, after continuing to do great job, and wins again and again to become one of Pittsburgh's greatest most beloved Mayors ever. Years from now, they re-name the new Hockey arena "Ravenstahl Rink" in his honor!!!