Monday, December 31, 2007

I am back ( and I know some of you wish I had died)

I am finally back. I had an awful time. I had an infection in my toe and then I ended up in the hospital. I had to spend the Christmas Holidays in a hospital bed but atleast I didn't have to spend time around my jaggoff family.

It has been such a great year. I started this great Blog and made so many new great friends. Around the city it has been great. The Mayor won twice. The first time the Pedutohead just gave up and us real Pittsburghers won. The next time back in November, The Mayor easily beat back the Pittsburgh-haters when he defeated the ReSantis.

The Mayor just keeps on winning all the political battles. He got the UPMC Promise thing going. It has been a great year to be a supportor of The Mayor. He just keeps winning and winning. For all those Mayor-haters, it must be like being a Pirates fan - always hoping for a win and always losing!!!!

I've wanted to do a top ten list or a best of for the whole year but I'm sure you can find those all over the Bloghersphere. Just remember when you read them and they are negative of The Mayor just turn it around and make it postive of The Mayor and you will find the truth.

It is going to be a great year. Pittsburgh is going to be the same great Pittsburgh it has always been. I wish all of you - including the jaggoff Pittsburgh haters - a great new year.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas of Pittsburgh

Hello from the always full of joy Paris...

[Here the first post from Andre, who is my friend who lost his job due to us watching the Steelers at his Store where he worked. To raise his spirits since I have made him a fan of Pittsburgh is that we shall write a Guide to Pittsburgh. This is his first attempt. I have helped with the English and enabled it to be read by you. We hope you enjoy our project!]

Celebration of The Christmas in Pittsburgh

The focus of the The Christmas celebration in Pittsburgh is a dead tree that is placed in the home for the duration of the Steelers season. It is decorated with popcorn that has been lanced on string. Then the tree is draped with aluminum foil strips called "tinsel". Every home in Pittsburgh has a creche that contains the traditional baby Christ with his Mother and Father plus a sampling of local people held in high regard such as Mr. Luke Ravenstahl or Mr. Ben Roethlesburgher. The only animal allowed in the barnyard is a donkey which represents the strong loyalties to the Democratic Party wihich is the ruling political party in the Pittsburgh area.
The children are scolded all year to be good or the Santaman (similar to Pere Noel) will leave scrape steel or iron shavings in a foot sock that each child hangs from the place of fire in the living room. The Santaman descends the chimney to gain entrance to the household and will leave presents under the dead tree. He travels with a group of deer who can fly. People do not find this strange.
On Christmas day, there is a fest of sausage in the style of sausage in Poland. Also, most people eat onion mayonaise which is dipped in to with fried chips of potato. For most of the day, most people including children drink "7 and 7" which is a drink of Canadian Whiskey and a soft drink named 7 UP. In some parts of the Pittsburgh, there is a tradition of drinking the 7 and 7s until the tounge is free for all family members to vent all the wrong doings of the others that have transgressed through the previous year. The next morning most do not remember what happened but they feel cleansed to start a new year of transgressions.
Another center of the celebration is the television which must not be turned off for the whole day. It must be tuned to college football even if no one cares about the game or is watching it.

Traditional Recipe: Pierogi
1) fry onion in butter
2) open a box of Piergoi and add to butter onion
3) stir until golden brown
4) serve on plate

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I AM SO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I havent been able to get to my computer fer so long because my big toe is infected and I have so much to say. I am sooooooo mad.

1st, I had to crawl upstairs to get to my computer and I forgot my notebook that I have been keeping of all the things I've wanted to say. I am so mad!!!!

2nd, I am going to miss The Mayor's big party tonight. I was hoping to go to it even though I never recieved a personal email inviting me. I was looking so forward to it, but now I'm going to be stuck at home. Good luck Mr. Mayor!

3rd, so the dumpy city paper named some Pittgirl the Best Blog in Pittsburgh. I've been using "the BEST blog in Pittsburgh" for my blog for a long time now and it is really low for them to try to steel my idea. Im insulted, but I don't put much faith in their choices. It is like my old Hungarian Grandfather use to say, "Do you want to be compliemented by a backend of a horse?"

4th, I am so mad about everyone being so hard on UPMC. They are giving a big gift and people like the Pedutohead are like ungreatful kids. I sort of agree with Mr. Len Bodack that UPMC should just give all the money to the catholic school kids. They are the ones who have paid all the taxes but haven't used the schools. They should be given a big present.

5th, I am soooo mad that the table games have started in West Virgina and I wasn't there. I love the opening of new casino things, but I have missed that.

6th, My big toe is awful and I hate it and I wish it would just go away. The pain pills are good and I can see how these kids get hooked on them. I've stopped using them and have gone back to my tried and true Pittsburgh pain relief of IC Light. It is better for me and for all of Pittsburgh.

7th, I am so mad. Just leave The Mayor alone.

I am craweling back down stairs now.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Wish Strawberry Way A Better Health and Our Grand Adventure

From Paris....

I recieved a e-mail from the Daughter of the Daughter of Strawberry Way...

My grandma wanted me to tell you that she had to get a hangnail fixed on her big tow and it is infected. She cant get up the stairs to the computer so she is sleeping on the couch. Shes all worried about her "fans" on her blog worried about where shes at. Can you tell them that she is fine except for her jaggoff big tow. She is writing a bunch of stuff in a notebook but I told her there is noway I'm going to type all that stuff up. I told her that I'd let you know what is going on.

I am unable to figure the meaning of big tow but I feel sorry and am sending grand wishes of health. I pray she does not fall pray to The UPMC.

On a note that is different. I was unable to watch the Steelers this past weekend and I fear that I will be unable to watch the next game. I fear they will loose with out my watching. While I am joyful that I have yet to see The Steelers loose I am saddened with their current performances. [ Mr. Bram, with my current busyness I must let the computer robots update my Steelers Nation Blog. I hope this does not disappoint you?]
In a sad event, my friend Andre who works at department store where we have watched games has had his job taken away due to our television watching. His spirits are in deep vast toilet of life. He has moved into my small apartment. To raise his spirits, I have put him on a grand project that I have been dreaming. We are writing a Guide to our adoptable City of Pittsburgh. This is a large feat in the vain of the large tomes of the Great Greek Homer. The english of Andre is very poor so I must work very hard myself. Wish us well on our adventure.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

All Should Hail The UPMC For You're Own Health

From Paris:

I try to be current with the goings of my adoptable city of Pittsburgh. Being on the other side of the world and looking in on your little circus world can sometimes give me a greater view than what you see. As I have always said, the outsider's voice is often sweeter! So with my outsider voice I ask, "Why are so many showing their anger at TheUPMC?"

Here is a company that is saving lives and is growing and growing. From my projections, in 3 yearsThe UPMC will soon be the only health care provider in the United States.

Why be so full of hate at them and to publicly show that hate? Don't you know that they keep records? Do you think that your petite letter to the editor saying you hate The UPMC does not go in your health folder? As you lay dieing in one of The UPMC health centers, your last view in life will be a doctor looking at your health folder and shaking his head while reading your little editorial while he holds your life saving medicine and slowly turns and puts it back in the cabinet?

Don't you see why you should be nice to The UPMC which will someday have control over your life and death? Now do you see why The Mayor Ravenstahl has done what he has done. He has sealed his own fate that he will receive the grandest of care! With the Pittsburgh Promise Tax Agreement With The UPMC, how do we not know that the mayor has not made a deal that all Pittsburgh Residents when they are on the butchers table will too receive the grandest of care? Maybe the Promise in the Pittsburgh Promise is something more?

Be nice now to The Grand UPMC or you may regret it later!

Some day, as you lay dieing in your health center bed, you will be hitting the button that rings a nurse and no nurse will be running to your aid. You will lay their as your final breath leaves you and you may mutter, "Pierre was right. All Hail The UPMC!" But it will be too late.

Say it now so later you may die correctly. I have warned you. Since The UPMC is a Nonprofit, you should be able to pay alms to make up for your past mistakes.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Your Beloved Kennywood Will Not Become Tacowood

From Paris which is very close to Spain

I have been learning about a previously unknown to me part of my adoptable city of Pittsburgh. It is your lovely park of amusement - Kennywood!!!

I am learning that people with fond memories are upset that the Spanish are buying it. It seems that people's hate of Mexico is getting confused with their hate of Spain. Since I live in Paris and have often traveled to Spain, I wish to share my grand thoughts.

First, the Spanish do not eat tacos (while they do have something similar to a taco it is not named a taco). Tacos are not Spanish but Mexican. If you are worried about what kind of food your Kennywood will change to let me set your stereotype correct and now worry that they will be serving Tapas or Paella.

Tapas are just little servings of food. So from what I have learned about Kennywood food, you may expect little funnel cakes or petite funnel cakes and the beloved Potato Patch dish will be about 5 pommes frites arranged gracefully on a plate with a dripping of sauce of cheese.

As for Paella, it is just rice mixed with any garbage you may find in your kitchen so expect rice mixed with cotten candy as your new treat.

As for the Kennywood become more Spanish, expect it to open not at a set time, but whenever. And expect everything to stop for most of the afternoon, but expect it to stay open until 4 in the morning. Dinner will not be served until midnight.

You may expect higher security when getting on the rides. Ever since the Madrid train bombing, people have been on high alert. You will have to show up at least 2 hours before your roller coaster departs so everyone will be checked and run through metal and bomb detectors. Likely men with military rifles will stand guard at each ride but you are likely use to big guns every where with it being America "n'at" ( that is my first posting using my new language of Pittsburghese. Have I used it correctly?)

A small area will likely be claimed by the Basques. It will likely be near where the trash is kept. Trouble will likely be often in this little funny part of your beloved park. You will ask yourself, "why do people feel so full of passion for this little trash place?"

I do not expect your park to change much and you will still have fun which is what you want, right. And you will still eat a lot of food, but it will be in many servings.

I do feel gladness in thinking that the United States gave Europe EuroDisney, so may we now export back to you a similar gift. Since it is from Europe, it will be full of class even if it is from Spain.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I read this morning that people continue to harrass the kind Mr. Bardin who just wants to open his business. I totally agree with him that how can these angry people who are so full of hate be complaining about a design that they HAVEN"T EVEN SEEN!!!

Why do these people like the Riverlife task force want to deny everyone their property tax relief? Want to know why? Because they only care about the rivers and their pretty views!!! How come the place where the CaSINo is going to be built has been an ugly parking lot forever but all of a sudden these people want that area to look pretty. I never heard them calling to make the parking lot pretty. Clearly, they hate Pittsburgh.

I could care less if the caSINo is a giant pink cube. Most people are going to be inside anyway.

While we all know now that the CaSINo will be changed to a whore house once it opens and the state passes some laws to legalize state run whore house, we all know that a giant garage in needed to handle the crowds, plus we don't want the dads leaving their kids in their cars parked on Northside streets left to be shot up on those mean streets. Better to have them left in a parking garage. So now do you understand why the garage has to be so big!!!!

So just let Mr. Barden build his building the way he wants and give me my PROPERTY TAX RELIEF!!!! Is the only way I'm going to get property tax relief is to die? Everyday I look at the obituary page and think, "at last, this person has property tax relief!!!!"

Monday, December 10, 2007

My Supreme Steeler Nation Update

Hello from Paris where we are hosting Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi for 5 days!

As a young adult, I would revel in reruns of the television show The Brady Bunch. I would lay on the crowded floor of my mother apartment and dream of living in such a nice house as the Brady's. Last night, I could only watch the first half of the game of The Steelers battling the Patriots before Andre's department store in the suburbs closed. I was very nervous until I came into work today to see the score. My heart dropped.
While I have not seen personally the Mighty Steelers lose a game [my record is 1000% wins!!!], my heart drop for our loss.
But back to the Brady Bunch. I kept looking at Tom Brady the quarterback for the Patriots and thinking that I do not remember him from any of the shows. There was Greg, Peter and Bobby. At some point there was a little guy Oliver that got adopted. Did Tom Brady come later in shows that I might not have seen or that have not made it to Paris yet?

I had a discussion with Andre my fellow parisian who I have converted to Steeler Nation Pittsburgheritarian. We were talking about how much America was damaged by the 9-11 attacks and it is clear that even 6 years later people do not want to see a football team named "The Patriots" to lose. It is a shame that all these football teams are racing to lose to the Patriots just to heal the nation. I guess if it make you Americans feel better to have them undefeated and then you can all get beyond the whole 9-11 thing, that is ok. Once you United States are healed the whole world will be a better place.
As for the Miami Dolphins losing every game, that clearly is a statement about the state of Dolphins in the world and how they are being trapped in nets and killed by the Japanese! By the way, I watched the Steelers beat the Dolphins in a crazy little Dolphins Fan bar in a basement with about 9 people who worship a man named Jimmy Buffet. It was like a cult with crazy shirts drinking awful drinks and some were smoking the pot. All of them did not watch the game but instead dance and then ended throwing up their drinks on the floor and falling asleep on one another. That was my strangest experience yet while following the American Football.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Young Inquiring Minds

Several of us who write for this blog received an email from a young Pitt student, asking us lots of questions. I will keep his identity a secret, but I thought it best to answer his questions on this blog. I am always impressed by the inquisitiveness of young minds. Following is what the student wrote in italics. My comments and answers are in regular type.

I am a student at the University of Pittsburgh that happens to be working on a case study involving Luke and the Ethics Hearing Board. The course is Board Governance and we are studying different aspects of board (especially those that are not for profit). You seem very opinionated and I am requesting your thoughts on the Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board to use in the analysis. I thought instead of using the different newspaper articles and simply highlighting what everyone already knows, I would turn to bloggers to get the "real deal" and see what actual Pittsburghers think about the Ethics Board, Luke, and their actions especially during the investigation period. Please forward this message to your fellow bloggers if you think they would be willing to share some insight as well. I am talking with a lot of Luke haters (bloggers) so your support for Luke will help to balance the argument.

Wow, I really like being called "very opinionated!" Thanks! of course, my opinions are not really mere opinions, they are the truth. I have had years of worldly experience upon which to base my thinking and writing. First, I am slightly confused. You are "studying different aspects of board?" Board what? Also, I am worried that you are talking to Luke Haters. Be very careful. They will try to poison your mind with their cynicsm, parody and satire. They are mostly evil. Normally, I do not dialogue with those who talk to Luke Haters, but, since you are young and earnest, I will make an exception in your case.

1) Was the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board board structure and composition helpful or hurtful to the organization? Did board members have conflicts of interest?

Question number 1 is really two questions, and that's kind of annoying. Shouldn't these be questions numbers 1 AND 2? Well, I'll answer them in order. What organization? Of course they had conflicts of interest. Duh.

2) Was the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board board a "good board?"

How do you define "good?" What makes a board good or bad? Can a board even be good or bad? Well, I would say they were bad if they went after Mayor Luke for some silly thing like driving the homerland security vehicle or accepting tickets to golf with Tiger Woods. The mayor is supposed to do these things--those are his job--as we have extensively written previously on this blog. Nobody bothered about Mayor Murphy golfing with Arnold Palmer, did they?

3) In your estimation, did the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board reach a fair decision on clearing Mayor Luke Ravenstahl on any wrong-doing? Were there any clear signs of negligence or incompetence on the part of the board or any of its members?

Again with the two in one question! Of course it was a fair decision. What was unfair was to waste the Mayor's time by subjecting him to a review of ethics. The Mayor is above ethics, that is why he is the Mayor. I don't think this is rocket science. What are they teaching you at Pitt anyway? And, yes, of course they were incompetent. It was incompetent to waste time thinking about the Mayor's case when he was clearly not guilty of ethical infractions.

4) Did the board operate independently or did it do the bidding of Mayor Luke Ravenstahl (recall that two members of the board are nominated by the major)?

Mayor Luke is not the puppet master of the board. Of course they acted independently. How many people are on this board? So what if two are nominated by Luke? Does two constitute a majority? Use some common sense here. If they were "doing the bidding of Mayor Ravenstahl," do you think he would have bid them to investigate him?

5) In your research, did you see any board activities that seemed questionable?

Umm, from the get go, harrassing our beloved Mayor by questioning his ethics was just plain unethical. I think they need to have THEIR ethics looked at! Questionable? You bet! Look, he's young. Cut the guy a break. Of course he might make some ethical slip ups. I say "might make", which does not mean he DID make any. We know he did not really make any ethical errors. I just mean that we have to be understanding of his youth and not be constantly looking for ways to question him and find fault. This intereferes with his ability to be mayor, and is something that only cynical mean people do.

6) What did the board do right? What did the board do wrong?

I'm not going to answer this becuase again it is two questions and besides they are really the same as question #5. Oh wait a second, they probably should have looked into that DeSantis guy's ethics too. Failure to do that is something they did wrong. I think his ethics should have been investigated before he had even gotten on the ballot. What if he was unethical, got elected (fat chance, but bear with me, this is hypothetical) and then we found out later that he was, in fact, unethical? Then where would we be? What would we do? Nobody knows anything about DeSantis's ethics, yet people voted for him!

7) Should the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board change their policies and/or procedures as a result of this set of hearings against Mayor Luke Ravenstahl?

This is getting a bit repetitious. But, yes, they should. They should not be allowed to waste taxpayer dollars, their time, and our Mayor's time by investigating the Mayor unless they are 100% sure that the Mayor has done something wrong.

8) What do you think motivated board members to join the Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board?

Cynicsm and hatred. They probably have it in for Mayor Luke. I think they are probably just mean people too.

9) What agenda if any do you think each has as a board member?

You did not have a question #9, this was part of #8. But I decided to renumber them, since you apparently cannot count. Again, what are they teaching you there at Pitt? Apparently they are NOT teaching you how to count. Board Member agendas are too numerous to list here. Maybe my colleagues Pierre and Strawberry Way will care to weigh in with an itemized list of agendas held by each board member. But, just for an example, the board includes a nun, a reverend and a rabbi! Do you think they might have some evangelical agendas related to their own particular religions? I do!

Okay, well, I hope this helps you with your project. Good luck in your studies. I think you should definitely earn an A+ for this work. Because, it was a brilliant idea to turn to bloggers for your research! As you know, we bloggers are the best source of authoritative unbiased facts and information available today.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Pittsburgh Promise Gets $100,000,000.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was getting so sick and tired of whenever anyone talked about The Mayor's Pittsburgh Promise Program, that thing to give the poor kids in the public schools free tuition to the community college of their choice, they would always say, "Only one person has given to it and it is the teachers union." I was getting so sick of hearing that I was about to give like $10 that I usually give to the Dapper Dan Toys for Poor Kids just to shut those people up. Then they would have to say "two people have given money"

Well, Lordy Lordy, look what happened! UPMC is giving close to 1/10 of a billion dollars to send the poor kids to community college - given there might be one or two kids who will get to go to a real college like Robert Morris or something.

What a slam dunk hat trick for The Mayor Mr. Luke Ravenstahl and for UPMC!!! Now we know why it was so important for The Mayor to attend that golf tournament and skip the room full of screaming women this past summer. I would not be suprised if the Penguins put up a 1/10 of a billion dollars too. Plus Joe Montana (that was whoelse he was golfing with right?) might also give something. It just shows that sometimes we don't know why The Mayor does what The Mayor does. It is going to come out at some point that some terrorists were going to blow up the Star Lake Ampatheater during that Kenny Cheseney concert and that The Mayor really needed to be there with the Hometown Security vehicle and saved thousands of lives plus that of a country superstar. How do we know that The Mayor is not leading a life just like that Jack guy in that 24 tv show?

Now nobody can make fun of the Pittsburgh Promise Program (eventhough The Mayor Hating Monkeys will find some way to do it!). Also, now people can't pick on UPMC for making a profit while it is a non-profit because now they are giving some of it away. Now everyone shut up about them not paying taxes!

I can't wait to hear what other surprises The Mayor has been working on.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Van Halen To Embrace Pittsburgh With A Night of Love

From Paris:

You may remember how upset I was when it was announced that Van Halen would not be visiting the beloved Pittsburgh on their recent tour. Maybe my Blog post will help you remember ....

After that, I put the whip to the ass of the horse. I did set my massive Van Halen scrapbook out for rubbish. I even wrote the following email to Mr. Mayor Ravenstahl, Mr. Pat Ford and Mr. Yaronne.

I am a writer for a blog ( that greatly favors the
mayor and I was very saddened to learn in the papers that Van Halen will be
missing the City of Pittsburgh on thier most recent tour.

Is there anything that you can do about this?

I believe you should make a statement that if Van Halen does not want Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh does not want Van Halen!!! We don't even want the Van Halen with Sammy Hager. Can you issue an official decree?

As you might be able to see, I am full of anger at them disrepecting your city.

Thank You for Your Time and Service!
Paris, France

and I did recieve the following from Mr. Yaronne...
Thanks for your email, Pierre. An official decree may not be in order, but this will certainly take “Jump” out of the running for Pittsburgh’s official theme song. Is this the David Lee Roth influence at play? He has been disruptive before and I sincerely hope this is not evidence of his persistent troublemaking, certain to doom the tour and break up the band.

Au Revoir,


Then today I saw the news that Van Halen WILL BE VISITING PITTSBURGH!

I would like to think that Mr. Yaronne pulled some strings and made the concert a certainty. I would also hope that also my outrage helped to make Van Halen change their decision. Unfortuniately, I will be unable to attend the concert for I have not saved up enough for my visit to my adoptable city. If Van Halen or The City of Pittsburgh, wishes to pay for my travel, I might be able to attend. ( I would hope they would also pay for my taxi to and from the airport and cover my hotel fees plus some money so I may "party" like a rock god!)

I do regret loses my Van Halen massive scrapbook and for melting my albums into a gooey mass on the sidewalk of my apartment building but I luckily still have all their albums on compact disks.

Thank you Mr Yaronne for pulling a muscle for the city of Pittsburgh.