Sunday, August 31, 2008

Pat Ford Should Hari Kari

Hello From Paris!
I have been following the sky rocket like trip of Pat Ford career. For a time I thought of hitching my wagon upon his star now I am glad my wagon never got hitched to it. His star now dims and will soon be like a cigarette butt on the sidewalk waiting for a heel to rub it out. That is Life or Ce La Vie.
Now I puzzle at his claim of being a good solder. A good solder dos not give up until The Death! A good solder does not have the opportunity to talk to reporters or write letters or have a attorney. It is just the solder and his sword. When the enemy closes in, you must run full stream a head until death.
Mr. Ford has failed on many advanced levels. He has been taken prisoner, he has not fightened to the Death, and now when the time is tough on him, he is turning his back on his King to preserve himself. He is the ultimate failure.
It is amazing how the Winds of Fates blow. Just a year ago I had Dreams like Mr. Ford of smoking cigars and drinking Scotch from a window in a tall building and overlooking our domains. Now look at us. My dream has not come true like an airplane still sitting on the run way. Mr. Fords airplane took off and I watched it soar then like a space shuttle it has ended as a flame ball and wreakage.
The only step left for Mr. Ford is to commit to the Hari Kari to restore his honor. Mr. Ford must go to a public place and do the Hari Kari and maybe his wife can post it on a blog to bring honor back to their family.
But my guess is that Mr. Ford and his Family will be traveling down to Florida again planning out trailer parks where he will be standing on top of his trailer looking out at his domain with a Swisher Sweets Cigar and a drink of Sourthern Comfort.
Good Luck Mr. Ford, remember statue of limitations allows for Hari Kari at anytime to restor honor.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Backstabbing Sleazeball Ford

As regular visitors to this site know, I support everything our handsome boy genius mayor Luke Ravenstahl does. He is doing a great job as mayor and getting better every day. Sure, he has made a few stumbles along the way. But I think the ability to learn on the job is important for our Mayor. Yeah, I used to even support Luke's decision to hire Pat Ford as Director of the Urban Redevelopment Authority. Because, I knew that if Luke liked Pat, then Pat must be a good person. SO, even when Pat Ford and his wife Alecia Slirky were accused of taking gifts from that Lamar guy, I knew it must not be true. I think I even wrote about it. At least I knew Luke was not responsible. And I thought Luke would never hire someone who would knowingly do bad and wrongful things such as Pat and Alecia were accused of doing. I figured that if Luke hired someone then he must be a good, upstanding public servant, honest and sincere.

Boy was I ever wrong about that!!

I turns out that, in his petulant and unprofessional resignation letter, Pat Ford, sounding like a spoiled little baby with too much poop in his diaper, has essentially accused Luke of incompetence and corruption. Can you believe it? Of course, I don't like anybody who accuses Luke of these things. We are supposed to trust our leaders and not make false accusations. I think this is even one of the ten commandmants, possibly right after "thou shall not accept false gifts." Anyway, it is despicable of Ford to say all these mean things after all that Luke has done for Pat and Alecia. Mr. Ford seems to have forgotten that HE is the one who is corrupt, not Luke! Pat Ford wants to clear his good name or some nonsense like that. Well, he can forget about that. His unbelievable letter pretty much cements his corrupt reputation to his name forever. Pat, you ruined your own reputation, you dug your own grave, you sleazy backstabbing piece of sh*t. Nobody else did it for you, least of all our good Mayor Luke.

Yep, Pat, you are a total backstabbing turncoat. Nobody likes a crybaby. Least of all one that tries to destroy the reputation of the Mayor who has done nothing but good. Luke was good enough to give you a chance and you blew it. I admire Luke for trying to let you have an important job even though he might have known you were a bad man. Perhaps Luke was just trying to give a fair chance to everyone, even someone who might take bribes and inappropriate gifts in exchange for favors and plum no bid contracts. This is very admirable of Luke to give someone who would do that a chance--it is like trying to rehabilitate a criminal. But, how sad for you Pat! If you weren't so hateful, I would almost pity you. But, actually you are beneath pity. Does anybody pity the scum on a pond? I don't think so. Actually, come to think of it, comparing you to pond scum isn't even fair to the poor pond scum. But, I digress.

I just want to say a final good riddance to you Pat Ford. Now our beloved Mayor Luke can get on with doing what he is best at doing: running our great city, looking handsome and sexy, and making sure he has great people working for him. And the URA can get back to doing what it does best. Whatever that is. But I don't need to worry myself about it because I know Luke is on the job. And now that you are gone Pat, Luke will get someone good to permanently run the URA, hopefully that wonderful Rob Stephany, who I hear has been doing such a great job as acting director. And talk about handsome!! Rob is SO well suited to the job because he is SO good looking! Be still my beating heart.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Bodack has A New Job

From the Northside

I just sat down with my first IC Light of the day when I noticed on line that Mr. Len Bodack just got a job at the Sewer Authoritity. Bravo for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since Pretty Boy Dowd stole his seat on Council I have been wondering how Lenny Jr was going to be feeding his family. I hoped something would come through for him before the Unemployment checks stopped. At least now he's landed on his feet.

I was soooo mad when he had to leave Council. I always thought that if there were more like him on council this whole city would run much better. I'm sure The Mayor would agree with me.

Now everytime I flush my toilet and everything goes away, I'm going to be thanking Mr. Lenny Bodack Jr.

I NEVER Thought I'd Say This...!!!!!

From The Northside

... bravo Sophie Masloff!!!!!!!!

I read in the P-G yesterday, that she is boycotting the Democratic Convention. I know she has to be as upset about Hillary as I am. I'm glad to see that she is doing something about it!

Like Sophie, I am an old lady who doesn't have to much longer on this planet before I go off to Heaven ( Sophie is Jewish so I don't know where she'll go). One of my dreams since I was a little girl was to see a woman be president. Hillary was our only chance. I know Sophie is thinking she is never going to see it happen. I'm glad to see she is kicking her bathroom slipper right in the Obamacrats crotchs.

I never cared for Sophie. When she was running for City Council years ago, I knew she was rising above her place. I thought there was no way I wanted my CouncilMAN to be seated at the same table as a BRA-BURNER!!! Then she ran for mayor. I flipped my lid. I thought "What does her husband think?" Then I thought "Her husband can't be much of a man to let her run around wild like that." All my fears of public bra-burnings came to pass.

The first woman I voted for was Darlene Harris for school board. I tricked myself by saying if I squinted at her, she looked like a man there for I didn't feel wierd.

Hillary was the first woman I really wanted to win and there she was losing to a black guy. I'm so glad to see that Sophie is standing up against this outragousness.

Sophie you are my new hero.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Happy Vacation Month Pittsburgh May Your Face Have Been Rocked Off!

Hello from Relaxation Paris

As you must know, August is the month of Holiday for the civilized world. I hope you in Pittsburgh are enjoying your month of relaxation like I have been enjoying my 5 long weeks of Holiday without working.

I noticed in your paper this morning that you were visited by The Judas Priest. Lucky you.

The city must have been ghost like with everyone in Pittsburgh tooking their kids to see The Monsters of Metal show. You had Le Moterhead and Mr. Dio! You must have been in Heaven (or Hell if that were you Metal Preference?)

It is said that there were "Two huge winged gargoyles squatted in trees on either side of the band, on the lookout for negative vibes" that later "spit out two huge torrents of dry ice vapor." I started think What if Pittsburgh had such creatures to greet visitors? What if Pittsburgh became the Heavy Metal Family Friendly Travel Destination?

Most people that use to bang their heads now have children and would enjoy visiting a "City that Would Rock Your Face OFF"! Cleveland (who is the great rival of Pittsburgh) has the Rock and Roll Museum! Why not have Pittsburgh have the Heavy Metal Museum for Pittsburgh has a large history of Metal? You even have a Hot Metal Bridge which makes me wonder how people cross it without burning up into cinders which they touch it?

Pittsburgh you are Metal. Embace it!

I would gladly come to Pittsburgh as a consultant to help get the Heavy Metal Museum flying off the ground like an eagle soaring!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

What An Awful Day Yesterday!!!

So yesterday morning my whole day went to poop. I was reading the paper and my son Frankie Jr. sat down and started reading the paper with me. Out of nowhere he started crying and he ran off and locked himself in his bedroom. I asked him what was wrong and he said that Donzis was gone! He had seen the picture above and had just read this story.

Frankie had spent most of his 20s at Donzis. That is where he met his girlfriend and mother of my grandson Little Frankie. If you don't know Donzis was where all the real cool kids use to hang out. It was a nice little club for the youngster to hang out years ago. They could go there and hang out with their friends.

When Frankie Jr. would go there it was the only time he would ever get really dressed up. If I heard the shower running I knew he would soon be coming down the steps saying he was going "out to the market". That is what he use to call it. He never went shopping except to the auto parts store. For some reason him and his friends called it "the meat market".

Frankie Jr was so upset yesterday. He drives a tow truck for a living and he didn't have it in him to even turn on his police scanner yesterday so I sat there at the kitchen table listening to the police scanner for most of the day. Even when there was a crash near the house that would be really easy cash for him, he ignored it. He just stayed in his room crying saying all his greatest memories were leaving pittburgh.

Later in the day, when I read that Pat Ford wasn't getting in any trouble with the State Ethnic board, Frankie Jr. could care less. I went to treat myself to a nice cold IC Light to celebrate and then I realized that Frankie Jr had locked himself in his bedrrom with my WHOLE CASE OF BEER!

So I had to drink warm beer from my pantry. Then I was listening to the Pirates game and I could barely hear it over the loud rock and roll music from Frankies room. I kept turning up my radio louder and he would turn his up louder. At one point I looked up at the back door of my kitchen and there was a police officer on my back porch. He told me that they were getting calls about all the noise coming from my house. I was so embarassed. I told him I'd take care of it.

I kept trying to get Frankie to turn down his music and he wouldnt so I didn't want to be there when the police came back so I went down to the neighborhood bar to play the machines. Nothing was going right and I kept lossing. I spent all my money for the rest of the months groceries! Frankie Jr is going to owe me for all the problems he caused and it all comes down to Donzis getting floated down the river!

So can you see why my day was so bad!!!! It should have been such a great day because Pat Ford was hopefully getting his job back but Frankie Jr. ruined it. He can be such a jaggoff!!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Alcoholic Tax is Brilliant Mindmind!

Hello from the beautiful Paris where everyone is taking the whole month of August off for Holiday!

I must give the credit to His Honor Dan Onorator. He has shown a glimmer of political smartness that even I might admire. Maybe he has been reading The Art of War which I sent all the great leaders of Vision in your region a while ago.

With his drink tax, he is dividing and soon will be conquoring all. He is pitting the old against the alcoholics. The bus riding poor against the alcoholics and the old. The resturant owners against the hippy bus riders and the old. And then you have the Transit Union which is both old and alcoholic but not poor and hippy wanting to destory all and everyone wanting to destroy them. The beauty of the plan of Mr. Onorator is that as the fight grows he will be propeled to greater poltical highs while these members of the Untouchable Classes pummel each other!!! BRAVO, Mr. Onorator.

My only suggestion is that he should have taxed all drinks except wine. That would have been civilized and might have given the savages who park on barstools and drink the beer and the whiskey together a rope to grasp out of their miserable lives to a more cultured realm. Rethink that aspect. Tax all drinks except wine. And good wine at that. Maybe tax all wine except French wine. Other than that, Good Job. Maybe as Governor, I could visit you in your palace, Mr. Onorator?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Pittsburgh: I crawl back to you

Hello from Paris with My head hanging low asking for pardon

My dear adoptable city of Pittsburgh, I have strayed. I have done what many a young person has done before me. I believed there was better love beyond the valleys that hug the city of Pittsburgh. I now crawl back asking for forgiveness.

I thought I had found a better city in the Americas to adopt as my online living place. Like many Young People before me, through heavy thinking I choosed Peoria. I thought the city had more potential for me to win my dream of transport to America and rocket to the stratosphere where the People of Vision inhabit and float around and create better visions for the little people who live and toil in the city. My offerings of love through the internet ( were accepted as if I wished to make love to a fish... a dead fish. I could have done it but I would feel foul and smell.

So Pittsburgh I come crawling back like a husband who has cheated. Now you should accept me MORE because I have found that you Pittsburgh are the TRUE ONE. This is why all men should be allowed to go out and test the other horses in the field so they can come back to their woman (or man in Gay4Luke's situation) with new respect. American women's insecurity holds them back from allowing their man to roam with the winds. America join the rest of the civilized world and be self assured. It is not cheating. It is a strategy for winning for the man but mostly for the woman. This is also why you Pittsburgh should never fear the loosing of young people for they may come back learning the errors of their ways.

Plus, with the return of the Steelers to their training for the upcoming American Football battle season has hastened my return. VIVA STEELERS!

So please forgive me for my transgressions. Let's make love again with even more passion (The Passion IS the name of your female American football team for a reason!).