Friday, October 31, 2008

The Next Generation Arrives!

Great news! The next generation of Ravenstahls has been born to take over the helm of Mayor for Life! The Post Gagette announces that Luke and his wife Erin have announced the birth of their son, Cooper Luke! Just think, when Cooper is old enough to be Mayor (22) Luke will only be about 45, in the prime of his life, and still leading our City to greatness. Then Cooper can take over the reins allowing Luke to retire in comfort to a golf course somewhere. No wonder Luke says this is the happiest day of his life. I think I am going to send the Ravenstahls an expensive baby present, like maybe a stereo system, or one of those fancy jogging strollers that all the Shadyside parents have. I am hoping that Luke is not too busy this winter with the new baby to make sure my streets are cleared quickly when it snows.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Rumors of Pat Ford

Hello from the Center of the Universe, Paris...

Rumor is that the Traitor Mr. Ford and his wife will be traveling following the Metalica when their tour kicks off in the United States later in this month. This is a rumor I came across as I compile my grant application to make Pittsburgh house the Heavy Metal Music Hall of Fame. The couple will be traveling in an decorated RV and will be recieving checks from the city to pay for their journey. While I would never want to be them I do admire and fill with jelousy that they are LIVING THE DREAM LIFE.

Mark my words, I will make Pittsburgh the center of the Heavy Metal Universe!!!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Monk: I know who you are

From the Northside

I just got back last night from a bus trip with me and my girlfriends up to the Seneca Niagra CaSINo and we had a wonderful time. I get back and I see that this guy Monk has pooped all over my blog. It is bad enough that my little mutt dog Myron Cope poops all over my kitchen floor, but do I need some one pooping all over my blog?

While I am the oldest blogger in Pittsburgh and you might think that I am as smart as a CMU Nerd, I'm not. I can turn on my computer and do what I need to do just like I am not a chef. I just know how to open my microwave's door and hit a few buttons. My granddaughter Tiffany is the computer person. She spends all her time on my computer doing her "job" which she says is customer service but it has something to do with a webcam and playing dance music. Anyway, it uses up my computer but I have to hand it to her, she is paying her way through beauty school and I don't have to give her money anymore for her tanning sessions.

I asked her if she could do her computer HooDoo stuff and tell me who this Monk guy is. It is Richard Mellon Sciafe!!!!! You know the guy who runs the Tribune Review. She did some Google thing and showed me a map and this Monk guy is in Shadyside and drinks a lot and types stuff up on the computer. So Mr. Monk, sorry to blow your cover, but why don't you go back to your billion dollar house and your poopy paper and cry into your little baby blanket? Or did your ex-wife take your little baby blanket?

(There you go, DeeGazette. That should put a sock in his pie hole!)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Luke is good on finances

Okay, maybe I am sitting at home alone on Saturday night and I had too many glasses of shardonnay for dinner. But I am reading about strawberry's post about the financial crsis and I think: right on! Yeah, so we keep hearing about how Pittsburgh is all bankrupt and stuff. But, nobody asked city council to give the city any old six bazillion dollar bailout. It's like Washington decided that Wall Street needed all kinds of money to bail themselves out and here we are in Pittsburgh bailing ourselves out and nobody else is helping us. Where is Mr. Bill Potatohead when we need city council to bail us out? Where is that republican guy who tried to become mayor? What was his name? Mark Desantis or something like that. Where is he now with his republican millions of dollars? He's probably out campaigning for the Lehman Brothers to become presidents, or maybe at least for McCain and Palin to win the election. I just think he could help us now with his millions of dollars, but where is he? That's right! Nowhere to be seen and only Luke is still around to help us get out of this wall street mess here in Pittsburgh. This is a another reason why Luke is Mayor for Life like Strawberry always says.

And, speaking of the republicans and this financial crisis. You can tell that Luke did not get us into the crisis because he is a democrat. But you can be sure that it is all the republicans' fault and you know it because they are not even around to help fix it. But what if McCain and Palin get elected. Boy are we in trouble. She is SO stupid. I have knicknamed her Sarah PAIN (you just have to drop the L). There is Pain in Palin. She is just dumb, dumb, dumb. And a total lying b*tch. Her most recent lie is that Obama is friends with terrorists. Anyway, I hope Luke does not support McCain/Palin because if he does that would be stupid. If they get elected we will wlays be bankrupt both financially, morally, and intellecktually.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Financial Crises? I say "Shut up"

From the Northside...

I have to make quick because I have a hair dresser appointment.

I want to point out that some people say the city owes about a billion dollars, but we are doing ok. The Mayor Luke Ravenstahl is keeping it all together because of his supiority in his leadership. I don't see him all paniced. He walks around cool as a cucumber and our garbage keeps getting picked up and people keep awnsering 311 (after you've been on hold forever!!! I wish there was a number I could call to complain evertime I am put on hold for too long. Likae a number like 311311!!! Yeah, how about set up a 311 complaint line?)

Anyway, look at all those jagoffs in Washington and Wall street who are yapping, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." They should take a lesson from The Mayor and remain calm and cut ribbons or dig a hole when a new building is going in.

Everybody is going all kookoo about this financial mess, but what they really should do is look at Pittsburgh and see how we have been handling it. We're not asking for no bailouts. I have yet to see anybody at the check cashing place saying I need my money now because Pittsburgh is failing. So everybody just calm down.

I would like to see Katie Curic come here and ask regular Pittsburghers how we have been living calmly with a billion dollar debt hanging over OUR heads. Maybe the nation could learn a lesson from us. Maybe that guy Phil Grahmcracker was right! The nation is just full of whinners.

I'm going to get my hair done!!!!!!