Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mayoral Bodyguards

I just read in the Post Gagette today that there is another controversy surrounding Mayor Luke. I don't have time to find the URL and stick it in here, so you will just have to go to the Post Gagette site yourself and search for the article. Which article is incidentally is by our friend Rich Lord (rhymes with "bored," which I usually am by his articles). Sorry for not providing the link here, but you can look it up, I know you can.

Anyway, it seems that the Mayor went to Detroit for the first two Stanley cup finals games between our beloved Penguins and the Detroit Redwimps. And he took a bodyguard from Pittsburgh with him. So this is controversial?! Duh. The Mayor was going to a hostile City to watch his Penguins play hockey--which he should, as Mayor, do. This is his job. Of course he needs a bodyguard! A handsome guy like Luke is going to be besieged by his many female and gay male admirers in a foreign city like Detroit and he needs to be protected from them. Otherwise they might rip off his suit in public, and that would not look very good, because he does look SO good in his suit!! This is to say nothing of the fact that there are probably lots of Detroit Redwimps fans who would not like Mayor Luke being in their city and they might try to hurt him by calling him names like "Opie" and stuff like that. So he needs a bodyguard. I for one am glad my tax dollars are paying to protect dear Mayor Luke. It is really important.

Now, of course, Luke is a big strong strapping young man, and I am sure he can protect himself. Even so, Public Safety Director Michael Huss decided to send a bodyguard. Well, that proves there must be a serious threat to the Mayor's safety. Because, he obviously needs extra protection even though he is so strong. This is a bit like when George Bush raises the National Security alert level to code orange--you know he is doing it because there is a real danger. You know this even though he is an incompetent fool of a president. But he would never deceive the American people. It is the same thing with Mayor Luke. He needs bodyguards in a foreign place even though he is big and storng because there is a real danger!

By the way, I wonder how one gets the job to guard Luke's body? I know some body builder guys down at my gym, Club Pittsburgh, who would be thrilled to guard Luke.