All Should Hail The UPMC For You're Own Health

From Paris:

I try to be current with the goings of my adoptable city of Pittsburgh. Being on the other side of the world and looking in on your little circus world can sometimes give me a greater view than what you see. As I have always said, the outsider's voice is often sweeter! So with my outsider voice I ask, "Why are so many showing their anger at TheUPMC?"

Here is a company that is saving lives and is growing and growing. From my projections, in 3 yearsThe UPMC will soon be the only health care provider in the United States.

Why be so full of hate at them and to publicly show that hate? Don't you know that they keep records? Do you think that your petite letter to the editor saying you hate The UPMC does not go in your health folder? As you lay dieing in one of The UPMC health centers, your last view in life will be a doctor looking at your health folder and shaking his head while reading your little editorial while he holds your life saving medicine and slowly turns and puts it back in the cabinet?

Don't you see why you should be nice to The UPMC which will someday have control over your life and death? Now do you see why The Mayor Ravenstahl has done what he has done. He has sealed his own fate that he will receive the grandest of care! With the Pittsburgh Promise Tax Agreement With The UPMC, how do we not know that the mayor has not made a deal that all Pittsburgh Residents when they are on the butchers table will too receive the grandest of care? Maybe the Promise in the Pittsburgh Promise is something more?

Be nice now to The Grand UPMC or you may regret it later!

Some day, as you lay dieing in your health center bed, you will be hitting the button that rings a nurse and no nurse will be running to your aid. You will lay their as your final breath leaves you and you may mutter, "Pierre was right. All Hail The UPMC!" But it will be too late.

Say it now so later you may die correctly. I have warned you. Since The UPMC is a Nonprofit, you should be able to pay alms to make up for your past mistakes.

Your Beloved Kennywood Will Not Become Tacowood

From Paris which is very close to Spain

I have been learning about a previously unknown to me part of my adoptable city of Pittsburgh. It is your lovely park of amusement - Kennywood!!!

I am learning that people with fond memories are upset that the Spanish are buying it. It seems that people's hate of Mexico is getting confused with their hate of Spain. Since I live in Paris and have often traveled to Spain, I wish to share my grand thoughts.

First, the Spanish do not eat tacos (while they do have something similar to a taco it is not named a taco). Tacos are not Spanish but Mexican. If you are worried about what kind of food your Kennywood will change to let me set your stereotype correct and now worry that they will be serving Tapas or Paella.

Tapas are just little servings of food. So from what I have learned about Kennywood food, you may expect little funnel cakes or petite funnel cakes and the beloved Potato Patch dish will be about 5 pommes frites arranged gracefully on a plate with a dripping of sauce of cheese.

As for Paella, it is just rice mixed with any garbage you may find in your kitchen so expect rice mixed with cotten candy as your new treat.

As for the Kennywood become more Spanish, expect it to open not at a set time, but whenever. And expect everything to stop for most of the afternoon, but expect it to stay open until 4 in the morning. Dinner will not be served until midnight.

You may expect higher security when getting on the rides. Ever since the Madrid train bombing, people have been on high alert. You will have to show up at least 2 hours before your roller coaster departs so everyone will be checked and run through metal and bomb detectors. Likely men with military rifles will stand guard at each ride but you are likely use to big guns every where with it being America "n'at" ( that is my first posting using my new language of Pittsburghese. Have I used it correctly?)

A small area will likely be claimed by the Basques. It will likely be near where the trash is kept. Trouble will likely be often in this little funny part of your beloved park. You will ask yourself, "why do people feel so full of passion for this little trash place?"

I do not expect your park to change much and you will still have fun which is what you want, right. And you will still eat a lot of food, but it will be in many servings.

I do feel gladness in thinking that the United States gave Europe EuroDisney, so may we now export back to you a similar gift. Since it is from Europe, it will be full of class even if it is from Spain.

I WANT MY PROPERTY TAX RELIEF!!!!!!!!!

I read this morning that people continue to harrass the kind Mr. Bardin who just wants to open his business. I totally agree with him that how can these angry people who are so full of hate be complaining about a design that they HAVEN"T EVEN SEEN!!!

Why do these people like the Riverlife task force want to deny everyone their property tax relief? Want to know why? Because they only care about the rivers and their pretty views!!! How come the place where the CaSINo is going to be built has been an ugly parking lot forever but all of a sudden these people want that area to look pretty. I never heard them calling to make the parking lot pretty. Clearly, they hate Pittsburgh.

I could care less if the caSINo is a giant pink cube. Most people are going to be inside anyway.

While we all know now that the CaSINo will be changed to a whore house once it opens and the state passes some laws to legalize state run whore house, we all know that a giant garage in needed to handle the crowds, plus we don't want the dads leaving their kids in their cars parked on Northside streets left to be shot up on those mean streets. Better to have them left in a parking garage. So now do you understand why the garage has to be so big!!!!

So just let Mr. Barden build his building the way he wants and give me my PROPERTY TAX RELIEF!!!! Is the only way I'm going to get property tax relief is to die? Everyday I look at the obituary page and think, "at last, this person has property tax relief!!!!"

My Supreme Steeler Nation Update

Hello from Paris where we are hosting Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi for 5 days!

As a young adult, I would revel in reruns of the television show The Brady Bunch. I would lay on the crowded floor of my mother apartment and dream of living in such a nice house as the Brady's. Last night, I could only watch the first half of the game of The Steelers battling the Patriots before Andre's department store in the suburbs closed. I was very nervous until I came into work today to see the score. My heart dropped.
While I have not seen personally the Mighty Steelers lose a game [my record is 1000% wins!!!], my heart drop for our loss.
But back to the Brady Bunch. I kept looking at Tom Brady the quarterback for the Patriots and thinking that I do not remember him from any of the shows. There was Greg, Peter and Bobby. At some point there was a little guy Oliver that got adopted. Did Tom Brady come later in shows that I might not have seen or that have not made it to Paris yet?

I had a discussion with Andre my fellow parisian who I have converted to Steeler Nation Pittsburgheritarian. We were talking about how much America was damaged by the 9-11 attacks and it is clear that even 6 years later people do not want to see a football team named "The Patriots" to lose. It is a shame that all these football teams are racing to lose to the Patriots just to heal the nation. I guess if it make you Americans feel better to have them undefeated and then you can all get beyond the whole 9-11 thing, that is ok. Once you United States are healed the whole world will be a better place.
As for the Miami Dolphins losing every game, that clearly is a statement about the state of Dolphins in the world and how they are being trapped in nets and killed by the Japanese! By the way, I watched the Steelers beat the Dolphins in a crazy little Dolphins Fan bar in a basement with about 9 people who worship a man named Jimmy Buffet. It was like a cult with crazy shirts drinking awful drinks and some were smoking the pot. All of them did not watch the game but instead dance and then ended throwing up their drinks on the floor and falling asleep on one another. That was my strangest experience yet while following the American Football.

Young Inquiring Minds

Several of us who write for this blog received an email from a young Pitt student, asking us lots of questions. I will keep his identity a secret, but I thought it best to answer his questions on this blog. I am always impressed by the inquisitiveness of young minds. Following is what the student wrote in italics. My comments and answers are in regular type.

I am a student at the University of Pittsburgh that happens to be working on a case study involving Luke and the Ethics Hearing Board. The course is Board Governance and we are studying different aspects of board (especially those that are not for profit). You seem very opinionated and I am requesting your thoughts on the Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board to use in the analysis. I thought instead of using the different newspaper articles and simply highlighting what everyone already knows, I would turn to bloggers to get the "real deal" and see what actual Pittsburghers think about the Ethics Board, Luke, and their actions especially during the investigation period. Please forward this message to your fellow bloggers if you think they would be willing to share some insight as well. I am talking with a lot of Luke haters (bloggers) so your support for Luke will help to balance the argument.

Wow, I really like being called "very opinionated!" Thanks! of course, my opinions are not really mere opinions, they are the truth. I have had years of worldly experience upon which to base my thinking and writing. First, I am slightly confused. You are "studying different aspects of board?" Board what? Also, I am worried that you are talking to Luke Haters. Be very careful. They will try to poison your mind with their cynicsm, parody and satire. They are mostly evil. Normally, I do not dialogue with those who talk to Luke Haters, but, since you are young and earnest, I will make an exception in your case.

1) Was the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board board structure and composition helpful or hurtful to the organization? Did board members have conflicts of interest?

Question number 1 is really two questions, and that's kind of annoying. Shouldn't these be questions numbers 1 AND 2? Well, I'll answer them in order. What organization? Of course they had conflicts of interest. Duh.

2) Was the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board board a "good board?"

How do you define "good?" What makes a board good or bad? Can a board even be good or bad? Well, I would say they were bad if they went after Mayor Luke for some silly thing like driving the homerland security vehicle or accepting tickets to golf with Tiger Woods. The mayor is supposed to do these things--those are his job--as we have extensively written previously on this blog. Nobody bothered about Mayor Murphy golfing with Arnold Palmer, did they?

3) In your estimation, did the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board reach a fair decision on clearing Mayor Luke Ravenstahl on any wrong-doing? Were there any clear signs of negligence or incompetence on the part of the board or any of its members?

Again with the two in one question! Of course it was a fair decision. What was unfair was to waste the Mayor's time by subjecting him to a review of ethics. The Mayor is above ethics, that is why he is the Mayor. I don't think this is rocket science. What are they teaching you at Pitt anyway? And, yes, of course they were incompetent. It was incompetent to waste time thinking about the Mayor's case when he was clearly not guilty of ethical infractions.

4) Did the board operate independently or did it do the bidding of Mayor Luke Ravenstahl (recall that two members of the board are nominated by the major)?

Mayor Luke is not the puppet master of the board. Of course they acted independently. How many people are on this board? So what if two are nominated by Luke? Does two constitute a majority? Use some common sense here. If they were "doing the bidding of Mayor Ravenstahl," do you think he would have bid them to investigate him?

5) In your research, did you see any board activities that seemed questionable?

Umm, from the get go, harrassing our beloved Mayor by questioning his ethics was just plain unethical. I think they need to have THEIR ethics looked at! Questionable? You bet! Look, he's young. Cut the guy a break. Of course he might make some ethical slip ups. I say "might make", which does not mean he DID make any. We know he did not really make any ethical errors. I just mean that we have to be understanding of his youth and not be constantly looking for ways to question him and find fault. This intereferes with his ability to be mayor, and is something that only cynical mean people do.

6) What did the board do right? What did the board do wrong?

I'm not going to answer this becuase again it is two questions and besides they are really the same as question #5. Oh wait a second, they probably should have looked into that DeSantis guy's ethics too. Failure to do that is something they did wrong. I think his ethics should have been investigated before he had even gotten on the ballot. What if he was unethical, got elected (fat chance, but bear with me, this is hypothetical) and then we found out later that he was, in fact, unethical? Then where would we be? What would we do? Nobody knows anything about DeSantis's ethics, yet people voted for him!

7) Should the City of Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board change their policies and/or procedures as a result of this set of hearings against Mayor Luke Ravenstahl?

This is getting a bit repetitious. But, yes, they should. They should not be allowed to waste taxpayer dollars, their time, and our Mayor's time by investigating the Mayor unless they are 100% sure that the Mayor has done something wrong.

8) What do you think motivated board members to join the Pittsburgh Ethics Hearing Board?

Cynicsm and hatred. They probably have it in for Mayor Luke. I think they are probably just mean people too.

9) What agenda if any do you think each has as a board member?

You did not have a question #9, this was part of #8. But I decided to renumber them, since you apparently cannot count. Again, what are they teaching you there at Pitt? Apparently they are NOT teaching you how to count. Board Member agendas are too numerous to list here. Maybe my colleagues Pierre and Strawberry Way will care to weigh in with an itemized list of agendas held by each board member. But, just for an example, the board includes a nun, a reverend and a rabbi! Do you think they might have some evangelical agendas related to their own particular religions? I do!

Okay, well, I hope this helps you with your project. Good luck in your studies. I think you should definitely earn an A+ for this work. Because, it was a brilliant idea to turn to bloggers for your research! As you know, we bloggers are the best source of authoritative unbiased facts and information available today.

Pittsburgh Promise Gets $100,000,000.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was getting so sick and tired of whenever anyone talked about The Mayor's Pittsburgh Promise Program, that thing to give the poor kids in the public schools free tuition to the community college of their choice, they would always say, "Only one person has given to it and it is the teachers union." I was getting so sick of hearing that I was about to give like $10 that I usually give to the Dapper Dan Toys for Poor Kids just to shut those people up. Then they would have to say "two people have given money"

Well, Lordy Lordy, look what happened! UPMC is giving close to 1/10 of a billion dollars to send the poor kids to community college - given there might be one or two kids who will get to go to a real college like Robert Morris or something.

What a slam dunk hat trick for The Mayor Mr. Luke Ravenstahl and for UPMC!!! Now we know why it was so important for The Mayor to attend that golf tournament and skip the room full of screaming women this past summer. I would not be suprised if the Penguins put up a 1/10 of a billion dollars too. Plus Joe Montana (that was whoelse he was golfing with right?) might also give something. It just shows that sometimes we don't know why The Mayor does what The Mayor does. It is going to come out at some point that some terrorists were going to blow up the Star Lake Ampatheater during that Kenny Cheseney concert and that The Mayor really needed to be there with the Hometown Security vehicle and saved thousands of lives plus that of a country superstar. How do we know that The Mayor is not leading a life just like that Jack guy in that 24 tv show?

Now nobody can make fun of the Pittsburgh Promise Program (eventhough The Mayor Hating Monkeys will find some way to do it!). Also, now people can't pick on UPMC for making a profit while it is a non-profit because now they are giving some of it away. Now everyone shut up about them not paying taxes!

I can't wait to hear what other surprises The Mayor has been working on.

Van Halen To Embrace Pittsburgh With A Night of Love

From Paris:

You may remember how upset I was when it was announced that Van Halen would not be visiting the beloved Pittsburgh on their recent tour. Maybe my Blog post will help you remember .... http://iluvluke.blogspot.com/2007/08/van-halen-pisses-on-our-spirits.html.

After that, I put the whip to the ass of the horse. I did set my massive Van Halen scrapbook out for rubbish. I even wrote the following email to Mr. Mayor Ravenstahl, Mr. Pat Ford and Mr. Yaronne.

I am a writer for a blog (iluvluke.blogspot.com) that greatly favors the
mayor and I was very saddened to learn in the papers that Van Halen will be
missing the City of Pittsburgh on thier most recent tour.

Is there anything that you can do about this?

I believe you should make a statement that if Van Halen does not want Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh does not want Van Halen!!! We don't even want the Van Halen with Sammy Hager. Can you issue an official decree?

As you might be able to see, I am full of anger at them disrepecting your city.

Thank You for Your Time and Service!
Pierre
Paris, France

and I did recieve the following from Mr. Yaronne...

Thanks for your email, Pierre. An official decree may not be in order, but this will certainly take “Jump” out of the running for Pittsburgh’s official theme song. Is this the David Lee Roth influence at play? He has been disruptive before and I sincerely hope this is not evidence of his persistent troublemaking, certain to doom the tour and break up the band.

Au Revoir,

Yarone

Then today I saw the news that Van Halen WILL BE VISITING PITTSBURGH!

I would like to think that Mr. Yaronne pulled some strings and made the concert a certainty. I would also hope that also my outrage helped to make Van Halen change their decision. Unfortuniately, I will be unable to attend the concert for I have not saved up enough for my visit to my adoptable city. If Van Halen or The City of Pittsburgh, wishes to pay for my travel, I might be able to attend. ( I would hope they would also pay for my taxi to and from the airport and cover my hotel fees plus some money so I may "party" like a rock god!)

I do regret loses my Van Halen massive scrapbook and for melting my albums into a gooey mass on the sidewalk of my apartment building but I luckily still have all their albums on compact disks.

Thank you Mr Yaronne for pulling a muscle for the city of Pittsburgh.