Urban Redistribution Authority

Today, I read this article in the Post Gagette. It made me so mad I could spit. Or cry. I'm not sure which. Strawberry way will probably be drowning her sorrows in IC Light and Cigarettes when she reads it. Poor Strawberry. I wanted to write about this immediately in hopes that Mayor Luke would be able to do something about it.

Basically, what they are saying is that our beloved URA (that's the Urban Redevelopment Authority) just sold the old downtown GC Murpphy builing for $2.3 million. And, that the sale price is LESS than what they paid for it! How stupid is this? An agency of our bankrupt city is buying buildings, then selling them for a loss? Actually, according to the article, the URA paid $6.28 million for the properties!! So, they have sold it for about 1/3 what they paid for it.

Well, I am going to rename the URA the Urban Retardation Authority! With no offense intended to people who are mentally retarded. They cannot help it because they are born that way. But, the URA is behaving like a bunch of retards, and they were not born that way, so they have no excuse.

The URA claims that, by selling the property at a significant loss, they are turning a bad situation around. Of course, it was a stupid lawyer who said that, so what do you expect? Basically, they are just selling the property to Millcraft Industries for a song. Speaking of songs, it's like they think they are taking a frown and turning it upside down! But they are not! This still really makes me frown!

This would be like if you bought a vacant old house in Lawrenceville for, let's say, $65,000. Then, you just sat on it for a couple of years, letting it get even more run down and then re-sold it to a couple of crack dealers for $22,000! Why would you be so stupid as to do this? And, what are those crack dealers going to do with the house? Probably turn it into some kind of crack whore house for all their friends. How can this be turning a bad situation around? It would be just like that damn casino/whorehouse Don Barden is building for his gambling buddies on the Northside. God only knows how much the URA is paying Barden to build that thing! Or, you know, Millcraft already built that fancy Steakhouse in the former (brand new) Lazarus building (which the City and the URA basically paid for in the first place, then gave to Millcraft). The Steakhouse is just a place for the rich Millcraft crack whore friends of Jack Piatt to hang out. No regular folks can afford to go there, so it might as well be a crack whore house, which regular god-fearing people also do not go to. We just want to be able to go to a nice Denny's or Eat 'n Park and get a happy meal after church like real people. Does the URA do anything to help make this possible for us? NO! I would also be a bit happier if the URA would give somebody money to build some decent gay bars, then just let us LesBiGays and our creative class friends fix up everything real nice. But they do not do that either! Nope, it's just fancy places for rich people. Geez, you'd think that the Republican Loser DeSantis was running this City instead of Luke. Well, I know Luke wants somewhere to go after Church, even if, as a Catholic, he is not a true Christian.

Anyway, what is happening is that the URA basically gave 4 million dollars of the taxpayers' hard-earned money to Millcraft industries to build another fancy "redevelopment." Way to go URA! I do not like this waste of money at all. I am just really upset about it and I am wondering if Mayor Luke knows about it? Surely he would not let this happen!

URA's Shameful $4 million giveaway to Millcraft leads me to my second new name for the URA: Urban Redistribution Authority (because they redistribute money to rich people).

I hope Mayor Luke can put a stop to this madness and waste of public money. I know he wants to. Luke, are you reading this?

Many News That I Wish To Report And Make Commentary

From Paris Full of Love!

1) Man Goes To BasketBall Game:
I was reading about how Mr. Todd Reidbord left a meeting for the Planning Commission listening to angry people from the soon to be domed Hill District to have some relaxation by watching a BasketBall game. People from The Hill District are mad as they trend to be but also gangs of Pittsburgh Bloggers have their "female under clothing gathering tightly".
It is clear to me that Mr. Reidbord knew which way his vote was going to go when he first sat down in his chair. As the meeting went on for hours and hours beyond what we in France call a long work day beyond 5.5 hours, boredom must have settled into his body. If I were that man, it would be hard to keep my eyes from closing. I would be doing puzzles like Sudoku (which is taking France like a storm. Beware of this addictive puzzle drug Pittsburgh if you have not been captured by it already!!!!). But if I were a powerful visionary like Mr. Reidbold, I would be working on my next Big Project and I would be making drawings of massive buildings and drawing maps of the properties I would need and figuring the amount of money I would want from the city. Then if I knew the Mayor was at a BasketBall game and I could show him my plans, I would rush to the game arena to show my plans and hopefully even before the Kickoff of the BasketBall game, I would have another many million dollar deal done.
This is how true people of vision do their work. I know many of you who are common would not understand. Since you mostly work on base instinct like an animal, your not understanding turns to anger. People of vision understand this from you and expect this. They understand you think the game is checkers but they are really playing that 4th Dimensional Chess game that was often shown on Star Trek!!!

2) I Have A New Almost GirlFriend!!!
While she is not up to Lindsey Lohan, I have found Cat Call who seems smart and full of advice. I find the graphic on her website Cat Call does not reflect her well. The graphic makes her appear set for the cartoon SouthPark.

3) Is Mr. Ravenstahl To Surprise Me?
I have read that Mr. Ravenstahl is traveling to my village of Paris with his wife Erin. While I am surprised that he has not had a minion contact me, I have read this as clearly he will be surprising me!
While I know not his itinerary, I will be expecting a phone call or having him appear from nowhere to shake my hand. I will gladly give a tour of my grand city! I will surely remind him that Paris is a grand place to do what it takes to start a family! We as the French would be proud if the next generation of Ravenstahls begin in our fair city. Félicitations!!!!

My Parking Chair Update!!!!

So you might remember that my Parking Chair was stolen right around The Election? Well, the mystery has been solved sort of. I was walking my little dog Myron (named after MyronCope) around the block and it happened to be trash day. While little Myron was squatting making a BM I noticed my parking chair leg poking out of my neighbors black trash bag. I ripped the thing open and there it was with all my "Luke For Mayor" posters and everything. Someone had taken my nice cut out face of the Mayor and burned out his eyes with cigarettes and put devil horns on him and wrote the numbers 666 on his forehead.

The problem is the garbage pile is right between 2 houses so I can't tell who really took it. One house is my neighbor Helen who is a little old lady and the other one I think is a crack house full of kids that go to the culinary arts school. I figured its them because that is something they would do. I wasn't going to there door because who knows what they would do if I woke them up from their drug hangovers. You know they care knives!!!

So I went up to Helen's door and knocked. It took a long time but she finally answered the door. I asked her if she had taken my parking chair.

She said NO!

And then she went off saying things like I don't even have a car so why do I need to save a space. Then she called me mean. Then she reminded me that I had put stickers under peoples windshield wipers telling the to vote for The Mayor and it rained and then the neighbors had to scrape the stickers off.

She said that when she had a neighbor Christmas party where she invited all "the nice neighbors" (which it seems didn't include me) she said someone brought the chair over and put it her dinning room for the party and everyone started attacking it. Then she slammed the door.
I went and got my chair from the trash and put it right back where it had stood for 20 plus years. Now it looks awful. Before it was all rusty and ripped with some of the yellow foam showing on cushion but now it is all bent up and yucky.

I know in my heart I am not mean, and I am going to rely on my good Catholic upbringing and forgive her. I know I still have friends in the neighborhood like the retarded couple up the street and there are some other little old ladies who we've lived together for most of our lives and I've watched their children grow up and their husbands die.

The thing that brings me the most strength through this tough time is that I am the biggest supporter of The Mayor and I have his 311 number on speed dial. And I know if I have any problems I can just give him a call. Also, I run the BEST blog in Pittsburgh so I sit back and be happy about that.

Policy Paper!!!! Hill District

From the city where our country's President dates a most beautiful model - Paris!!!!

From my studies, I have a plan to propose for dealing with the Hill District that should make everyone on all sides of the fence be happy.

Let us take the Hill District and enclose it in a dome and make it into a shopping mall destination! Let us not forget to include a Steakhouse for this seems to be a sure sign of developmental success!!!

From my studies, the Hill District is not too large and engineers could surely enclose the whole area with a dome. I figure with all the steel that is in Pittsburgh and with some good students from the Carnegie Mellon, this should be easy.

Here are the benefits for the residents...
- They would have a grocery store that would be the Food Court of the Mall. They could easily pick food from many different vendors that represent the cuisines of the world. Chinese! American! Pretzel Shoppe!

- Living in a dome, they would not have to worry about weather. The dome would be climate controled so they would never have to shovel the snow again! Heating bills would be payed by the mall.

- They would work where they live. You would never have to leave the building to get to work. Some people would work for the stores in the mall but others could be historial recreator to show what the Hill District was like. I have heard of Williamsburg where revolotionary war time is recreated and people travel from around the world to experience the people in costumes. This would be a destination.

- It would be very secure. There would be only a few entrances so it would be easy to guard who is coming and going and the crime rate would go down. In case of crime all the doors could be locked, and the bad guys could easily easily be caught. In the United States, the only crime that happens at malls is usually some angry white man shooting people in a rampage so wouldn't that be an improvement over now?

Benefits to the city and to the Mayor and elected people...
- It would be an attraction. Who would not want to come to see a whole neighborhood in a dome? People would come to do the shopping. Families would come to see how the African Americans live. After a Penguins game at the new enclosed arena that will then again be enclosed, families could stroll in the middle of winter in their shorts because it will be so warm in the dome! As I undrstand a class of people called Mall Walkers - older people who enjoy walking in Malls will have the ultimate destination. 24 hours a day they could indulge in their harmless hobby in complete cliamte controled safety.

- The workforce for this giant endevour would be right there. You could easily follow the example of coal mining towns from the previous centery and charge rent and issue your own money to be used at the stores. The people could get loans of company money and before you know it, these people will become a permenent workforce that will be unable to leave. The dome maybe able to pay for itself just through this part of my policy!

- Everyone would be happy. As elected officials, you can use my plan right now to appease all the angry people. The plan has everything. It provides food and shelter as well as entertainment. Who could not be happy with that.

- The Dome could be a "green building" so you say you are saving the earth. Please look at the Biosphere 2 project - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biosphere_2

So please take my plan and do what you will with it. I know there are some parts that have been worked out, but it seems to be ok to start on big projects without having everything figured out. For using my ideas, I do not require any payment or credit. I am just trying to make Pittsburgh the best adoptable city it can be.

My Steeler National Update: The Shreds of My Heart

Paris, France which only exists on the world's other side

I experienced my first loss as a Steeler National on Sunday morning. I had gone the whole football year without viewing my beloved Steelers fail. As I sat in a Turkish cafe far from my home, I observed the end of the chapter of the book that has been My Football Year as a member of the Steelers Nation.

As I watched, my heart jumped up and floated and then crashed and shattered. It is truely like a love affair with a real woman. It is like a drive in through the Alps. It is pretty. There are ups and down and on occassion you get to drive through a dark tunnel.

I jumped up from chair at times and then others I fell to the floor with my head in my hands. The Turkish men who were smoking despite the limits on smoking inside may have believed I were strange but I had payed them for the privilage of the television for some time. I also payed them for the privilage to talk out loud. Then I had to pay them for the privilage to not ask me questions about American Football while I focused my entire being into the game. I did spend the time in the middle of the game to tell them about Pittsburgh. I do not believe I convinced them of the grandness of Pittsburgh. For future note, Turks do not know a droplet about the location of Pennsylvania!

Now I face a great emptyness with out my American Steelers Football. How do you cope in Pittsburgh? I feel the urge to drink more than usual. My chin feels heavy and is hard to keep in the air. My chin is always kissing my chest.

I try to see the swans through the bird shit. I have learned so much in these past few months. Just this last game I realized that Ben Rothlesburgher does not stay on the field all game. He takes time off and stands on the side of the field after he throws the ball to the people on the other team. I assume this is for punishment.

So now I close the book after reading the final chapter of my book of my first experience with the Steelers Nation. I look forward to the next session like a fish swimming back to its spawning ground. Like a bird that must fly away for the winter knowing I will be back after the weather turns.

Thank you Dr. Tomlin for the great sessions this year and may you heal all the warriors for the fight that is next football session!

Now The Downfall of Pittsburgh is Soon

I was sooooo mad earlier today when it came out that Motznik wasn't voted President and that the Pedutohead is going to be in charge of The Finance committee I actually broke my big green ashtray that I have been throwing at the wall whenever I was angry since my kids were little. Today it finally broke. If anyone knows where I can get another ashtray, let me know. I found a picture of what it looked like...

After I calmed down and cryed a little, I started feeling sorry for Mr. Motznik. He was so close and he has tried so many times to become Presient of Council. My granddaughter Tiffany said I could send something called an e-card. I found some nice ones here that I thought might cheer him up http://www.healthdiaries.com/ecards.htm I think the one that says "A brighter day is just around the corner" is soooo cute and I think it would cheer him up.

The problem is, I can't find his email address anywhere. Maybe someone could send him that card from me or send me his email address, that would be great.

Shields wins Council Presidency

We are doomed.