Friday, March 14, 2008

My Supreme Advice For Mr. Ravenstahl

Hello from warming Paris!

I must confess that I have finally recovered from my upsetness at being ignored when Mr. Ravenstahl visited my home town of Paris and missed reaching out and touching me. I felt what the turd from a dog must feel when being deposited on a sidewalk and watching the rear quarters of the dog walk away... "Hello, where must you be going?!?!?! Are you leaving me? Please come back and take me with you! I am becoming cold and stale!" I no longer feel like the turd.

My first supreme advice is......
Make a law banning Van Halen from ever coming to Pittsburgh again. It is clear from the news that they will not be visiting Pittsburgh therefore they see Pittsburgh as the turd. You must show that Pittsburgh is the dog. Ban them forever. I declare that Pittsburgh should declare itself a Van Halen Free Zone and declare the war on them. Van Halen is not what it once was therefore a funeral should be had with crying and then record burning. Signs must be erected to declare the message "Non Viva Van Halen!!"

My second supreme advice is.....
Now you Mr Ravenstahl, must make the sign on the bus station bigger and make your picture appear on it over and over. I have been following confusingly the controversy of the electric sign. You, Mr. Ravenstahl, must show you are the Master Dog of the Pack. Do not let the little dogs of the City Council bark at you. You must make them the turds that they are. Growl at them and declare that now the Electric Sign will be twice as big!!! Then make sure your picture is on the sign between every advertisement. This will send the little dogs the right message. It will be as effective as pissing in their face. Why not now put up 2 signs?

That is all my advice for now. Thank you.

I thought of one other speck of supreme advice...
It appears that a stink has been deposited about the issue of the vehicles that city employees must take home. It appears that the City Council is undermining your authority, Mr. Ravenstahl. May I suggest as it seems your lawyers would agree, the authority to give or take vehicles lays within your bounds. Thus, you should give the Council members that you like a car for their outstanding servitude. I do not know if you have the authority to force people to drive certain vehicles, but if so, may I suggest that you make Mr. Kraus ride a small donkey. And while it may be hard on the donkey, do not plow the monstrous snow or fill the monstrous holes the size of pots on Mr. Kraus's route to his office. Wage your war on snow and holes strategically and have your battle fronts in other areas while your enemies starve and their area turns to desert! Laugh at the man riding the donkey!